Hitting a blank

The calm before the storm maybe? It’s been quiet, calm, uninspiring and altogether dull, like coming to a decided stop at a block wall that cannot be navigated or moved. Normally, this sort of lull is weathered uneventfully, not necessarily easily; but something seems to be amiss this time, something making it all very uneasy and pregnant with anxiety. It’s as though when the lull eventually breaks, there will be a great big explosion, splattering messy goo everywhere. Or to put it in context, it’s like a writer with a deadline but plagued with writers block or an expectant mother in her final trimester, with just days to go before the birth. There isn’t much you can do but wait for events to unfold, the length of wait is completely unknown and the outcome even more mysterious. It is a maddening interlude because there is no way around it, this big blank block wall.

Whatever happens though, it is understood that the time will pass and there will be actions to follow outcomes. The thing is, when things start to happen, it is all go and you forget how fretful the relatively short wait was. With the new mother, there are sleepless nights to look forward to; it is much the same with the writer. But as demanding as things get, you never miss the quiet lull, and all the activity usually means progress. Still, looking at the solid, blank block wall is maddening, surely nothing a good book, good music, or lunch with a friend cannot cure I should think.

sigh!

Just reading through my old posts has cheered me up a bit, just a tiny bit, not by miles but I don’t feel as downhearted as I did this morning. Perhaps I should have just written as I felt instead of reviewing my old posts, I am sure the outcome would have been very different. I wasn’t looking for inspiration from my old post, in fact, I didn’t realise how cheery they are until I read them today through gloomy eyes; I was simply trying to navigate the constantly changing blog site.

It doesn’t help that I am aching all over, as a result of an impending cold/man flu, or maybe it is as a result of sharing my bed with my two growing sons, who are the worst bedfellows in the world; I spend all night getting them off me, recovering the covers and generally not getting a lot of sleep. I am also nursing a sore throat. Since I have a very low pain threshold , I don’t do very well when I am ill, coupled with the really crappy last few days I have had and the cold grey and muddy weather, I feel pretty sh*t and that is putting it lightly.

I was going to spew negative, self pitying sentiments but I don’t feel as pathetic as I did earlier. This is partly as a result of watching a bit of tennis, the only sport I can get stuck into and it always brings out the cheerleader (or tennis thug maybe) in me. All the fist pumping and screaming, coupled with a very serious juvenile crush on one of the leading men, I was as right as rain before even embarking on anything remotely melancholic. But I will try none the less because I have had this idea stuck in my head for a while now.

I had seen a Hollywood movie the other day with the kids; I mention it is Hollywood because not a lot of religious material comes from that direction. To be fair, it was meant to be one of these inspirational things but was deeply rooted in the Christian beliefs and quoted a particular scripture from the bible. I suppose Hollywood would produce anything if it meant somebody somewhere stood to gain something out of it, and so far, or at least at the time the movie was made, it wasn’t (yet) politically incorrect.

The movie involved the main character saying a seemingly simple prayer one night after gentle ribbing from his wife; and who knew, God was listening. The very next day, the answer to his prayer started in full force. I say started as it was not answered straight away; it has to make sense to the requester I suppose and since an immediate response would go largely unnoticed, it has to work itself out. First lesson here is that nothing good comes easy.

A series of events followed that left the poor main character desperately confused. And when he eventually got to grips with everything that was happening, he was completely out of sync with his friends, family, employers and co workers. Confusion ensued as is to be expected with these things to mostly comedic effects.

The part that got to me was where the wife of the leading character had had enough of his bizarre behaviour and decided to take the kids to her mom while her bewildered hubby tried to sort himself out. On their way, they stopped at a diner for lunch and while there, she met with God, who her husband was now in regular contact with. It may have been far easier for God to tell her exactly what was going on, but perhaps she would not have believed him, instead, he asked her what was wrong and emphasised with her. He told her if she prayed to be closer as a family, how did she think God would answer her prayer, certainly not in the way she expected. Isn’t it more likely the family would go through something together that would bring them closer together? At this, she turned the car around and took the kids back home to start being the closer family unit that they had now become as a result of recent events

All the confusion was a means to an end, and the end for these characters was that all their prayers were answered (note: none of them prayed for material things) but not in the way any of them expected. Sometimes, what we expect is not always what we get; and what we get is not what we always expect. The adversity makes the victory more meaningful and far more appreciated. So are we to embrace hardship? Maybe, because as they say what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

Year of the Dragon

It is the Chinese New Year; the Year of the Dragon specifically. Without giving away my age, it is my year again as I was born in the Year of the Dragon. It seems to make sense really. I have had a good feeling for a long time now and all signs point to things coming to a head in February. It could be wishful thinking, it could be a gut feel, certainly, there is no reason to it. The past few weeks have seen a lull in this abundant optimism but hope still burns bright.

In Eastern philosophy, the Dragon is said to be a deliverer of good fortune and a master of authority. Therefore, those people born in Dragon years are to be honoured and respected. One website states “...Because they are confident, fearless in the face of challenge, they are almost inevitably successful...” well I am most certainly confident, definitely fearless to new challenges so it should follow that I should be accomplished. It also says Dragons are conceited, again not far wrong. No ying without a yang I suppose.

So anyway, all the planets seem to be aligning to the right positions, waiting for the greatness to strike, and strike it will. Here’s hoping for really big things in 2012

Happy New 2012

Compared to last year, this year has kicked off to a great start, I think. It at least ended well. This time last year was a dark and confusing time, everything seemed to unravel and not just for me, everyone around me was unravelling as well; friends, family, the economy. And the year continued in that vein with more bad news and confusion. But so far, this year, everything seems to have been sorted out. Some of the losses have been replaced; the confusion and the darkness have been replaced with surety and laughter. Things seem to be clicking for everyone and that makes it even more pleasing.

Even in the depths of it all last year, I had a quiet confidence which has grown and grown, sometimes scarily so. My mother called on New Year’s Day with her usual prayer and blessing for all her kids and grandkids which just reinforced what I have been feeling all along. She said everything I felt in the usual mumsy way, “it will all be well this year, all the blessings we missed out on last year will be manifested this year...” and so on and so forth. Where normally there would have been a lot of eye rolling, I was deeply moved by it all.

Perhaps it is a sign that I am getting closer in age to her (and I am actually) that I am beginning to appreciate all things “older and wiser”. I too blessed my children at the turn of midnight. We were up counting down as there was nothing else to do, the kids were beside themselves with excitement and I am not quite sure why. (I tend to get very euphoric myself on New Year’s Eve; I clean the house to get rid of any dirt before the dawn of a whole new year, especially the kitchen. In my mind, a clean house at the start of the year means a clean house ALL year. And if not, at least I can take it easy on New Year’s Day, with all the chores already taken care of, which is exactly what I did.) Anyway, as we cheered and hugged and watched fireworks (on TV no less), I whispered blessings for prosperity for the year ahead for the pair of them, what greater gift can a parent bestow upon their child after all. And most of all, I believed it with all my heart.

I do believe that if you want something, with all of your heart, it will come to you. So it will be well in 2012, I am certain of it.