So Near But Yet So Far

I am sure I have talked about feeling it in my bones, with my very being, that something in particular is going to be alright, I know it will be. Even in the face of adversity, when it looked like it wasn’t going to happen, something in me would not let go of the belief that this is the one, this is the right thing. After all that is said and done, this will work. As with my optimism, I have no control over it. It is like a burning desire. I know I can get carried away quite easily but I am also very luckily for me, a realist, which means that there is always a niggling doubt at the back of my mind highlighting everything that can go wrong. For some reason, this niggling doubt has been completely drowned out and everything seems to be pointing in the same direction.

But the doubts are there, they are external but they are there and I cannot ignore them.  This is why even though I can actually taste it, it is still so far and I am in abject torment. I am not very good at dealing with conflict such as this, I guess it is my low pain threshold; I shut it out and hope it works itself out – a bit of an ostrich in that respect, but only when I am overwhelmed. I am now. All I need is a lead, and Ill grab it and run with it so fast so quick, I MAKE it work.

But for now, I will not fight my optimism; I’ll let it take control and hope it continues to drown out doubt. There are some sacrifices to be made now, and even with those sacrifices, which will ultimately determine the success of this venture, I am still so sure I am doing the right thing. It is a big gamble but one that if it pays off, all this torment will seem so trivial. I really hope it does. So, in keeping with my mantra for the year so far without reservation, it will be well, it will be well.