I Know

It has been too long without something inspirational and uplifting pouring out of me but I will attempt to spew goodness and wholesomeness in a very dark and troubled time. People are often stronger than we give them credit for; we all have incredible inner strength and it often comes to the rescue when all else shuts down, like back up power.

Every cloud has a silver lining and it is not always apparent straight away. Almost every parent tells their child who is sulking for being punished or being forced to do something they would rather not be doing, that it is for their own good. Eating vegetables for example, or taking the time away from playing to do homework. There is no doubt that as a healthy, independent adult, anyone would be at the very least secretly grateful to all the greens and hours of study or commitment to a cause.

I often despair when all my kids do is moan and complain, they are so short sighted I think, but I suppose I can also be accused of being the same sometimes. I have a lot to be grateful for, but focusing on the few things that are not going right just right now could make everything seem dire. So I will do what I always say to my kids, I’ll stop being so negative and I’ll count my many blessings. I am however entitled to a short sulk period and I shall fully exercise this right. It will be right as rain thereafter, I just know it will

Achilles heel

Everyone has one. We gather from Greek mythology that they were the only points on the mighty warrior’s body that was not immune to any harm. In other words, it is a deadly weakness, that one thing that weakens you beyond recognition. If you know where or what your point of weakness is, then you should guard it jealously, if not, it is a massive shock to the system when it takes a hit. But what makes the point of weakness so mortal is that you have very little control or protection over it and can only stand by often completely helpless while damage is being done. It would not be a weakness otherwise.

One may argue that one’s offspring, parents, spouse, even best friend or national hero can prove to be a target for the fatal blow from an enemy, speaking figuratively of course. It doesn’t always go without saying that you would lay your life for a loved one, in fact there are many who won’t, but it is not until you find yourself in situation that you realise that everything else is secondary, including yourself, that you become certain you will do anything to make it right.  But first you have to pick yourself up and recover from that blinding blow. It is as though someone has reached inside and scooped out everything inside, your heat, your spine, your very essence; the true meaning of the word gutted. You just want to curl up and die but quitting is not an option, leaving you in a desperate state of turmoil, vulnerable and completely devastated.

As much as I believe that everything happens for a reason, in the thick of it, everything feels like a thick heavy raincloud. It always works out in the end. I once told a friend that tribulation is a rite of passage, and I meant it, but these words of encouragement are easier to deliver than they are to receive.

However horrible this period gets, like love, it is better to have suffered loss than never to have loved at all, the absence of a point of mortal weakness would render one not immortal but inhuman. The very things that make us human are the very things that destroy us; as they say, nothing is not worth living for if it is not worth dying for.

Baptism of Fire

That’s the way one of my first roles was described by my then supervisor. I didn’t really get on with him, no one did, he was a difficult person in every way and that was part of the baptism. He came to the conclusion because I had to work with him on an equally difficult project and one day, he conceded that my task was indeed a tricky one. We didn’t kiss and make up after or ever even saw eye to eye but I think there was some element of respect in the relationship which was good enough. His words have stuck with me ever since though; baptism of fire.

The phrase baptism by fire or baptism of fire, is a translation of the French phrase baptême du feu and is a reference to a soldier's first experience under fire in battle. This is very true of that period of time and like a soldier, weathering that storm, I came out the other end a higher ranking officer. It was hard work but it was rewarding. And as time wore on, it didn’t get any easier, it just got altered.  I faced battles that were more suited to my experience; it was a never ending war but with brief periods of peace in between.

Lately, there is a renewed baptism, though not one of a rookie soldier, baptism in this case means “to overwhelm with fire (those who do not repent), i.e., to subject them to the terrible penalties of hell[1]". This time, it is not the start of something new, the precursor to new beginnings and all the other wonderful things that are associated with fresh starts, it is the end result, the final say, it is what happens when the new grows old and has been riddled with unforgettable mistakes and unforgivable sins, it is the final baptism. It feels eternal because that is what it is meant to be, another never ending war but without any breaks to regroup.

---

[1] It originates from Matthew 3:11. Of this expression, J. H. Thayer commented: "to overwhelm with fire (those who do not repent), i.e., to subject them to the terrible penalties of hell" (1958, 94).