Baptism of Fire

That’s the way one of my first roles was described by my then supervisor. I didn’t really get on with him, no one did, he was a difficult person in every way and that was part of the baptism. He came to the conclusion because I had to work with him on an equally difficult project and one day, he conceded that my task was indeed a tricky one. We didn’t kiss and make up after or ever even saw eye to eye but I think there was some element of respect in the relationship which was good enough. His words have stuck with me ever since though; baptism of fire.

The phrase baptism by fire or baptism of fire, is a translation of the French phrase baptême du feu and is a reference to a soldier's first experience under fire in battle. This is very true of that period of time and like a soldier, weathering that storm, I came out the other end a higher ranking officer. It was hard work but it was rewarding. And as time wore on, it didn’t get any easier, it just got altered.  I faced battles that were more suited to my experience; it was a never ending war but with brief periods of peace in between.

Lately, there is a renewed baptism, though not one of a rookie soldier, baptism in this case means “to overwhelm with fire (those who do not repent), i.e., to subject them to the terrible penalties of hell[1]". This time, it is not the start of something new, the precursor to new beginnings and all the other wonderful things that are associated with fresh starts, it is the end result, the final say, it is what happens when the new grows old and has been riddled with unforgettable mistakes and unforgivable sins, it is the final baptism. It feels eternal because that is what it is meant to be, another never ending war but without any breaks to regroup.

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[1] It originates from Matthew 3:11. Of this expression, J. H. Thayer commented: "to overwhelm with fire (those who do not repent), i.e., to subject them to the terrible penalties of hell" (1958, 94).

wake me, I am dreaming

What happened I wonder?

Did I fall asleep and wake up in an alternate reality? It all feels so weird, everyone is concerned and yet I am still in a blissful state of calm. It hasn’t registered as yet; this is my body and my minds way of protecting me in times of great disturbance. Instead of feeling the whole impact at the time, it slows things down but then eventually, after the event, it seems to register. This way I suppose, I remain rational in the face of turbulence. I don’t freak out too badly afterwards either because then, then worst has passed.

I happened upon an old newspaper at my sister’s house, it was an advert for budding writers, it was like a sign, a cue from the gods. It said if you have the urge to write, then this is for you. And so I followed its advice and went on the website, registered where it asked me to and eventually found my way onto this blog. And there are a lot of budding authors out there and since that is what we (yes I said we) authors do, there was a lot of advice, encouragement, testimonials and success stories in general. I suppose as a writer, a story of ones failure usually makes for good reading.

I have always wanted to start a blog of my own; I am broke as is the requirement for most artists and so when I was directed to this free blogging site, I was pretty chuffed and started to write right away. As it turns out, several years ago, I actually posted a picture of my sons at Christmas on this same website, I had just acquired a new phone and was messing around with it and as a result, the picture got posted on this blogging site. The posting was meant to be a test, I left it there and pretty much forgot about it. Just the other day, I wondered what had become of that picture in cyberspace, I wondered if the account had been closed as is the case with redundant email accounts.

As I re-registered on the blogging site, I found that the picture was still there. I put it there 5 years ago, it seems like ages ago but then it is. So much has happened in that time too. I may have to take the kids picture off so that I can blog with relative anonymity.